


A Tale of Two Souls

by ladyblogger



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Kirk's Death, M/M, Spock/McCoy after Kirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-01
Updated: 2013-10-01
Packaged: 2017-12-28 03:43:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/987254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyblogger/pseuds/ladyblogger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McCoy and Spock have to continue their lives after the death of Kirk</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Tale of Two Souls

“Damnit Spock, I’m a doctor not a computer technician” Bones said in a huff, throwing his tricorder onto the desk.

“I never said that you were, I simply informed you that the Captain’s computer was malfunctioning and required maintenance before he returns from the christening voyage of the new Enterprise” Spock replied, his tone even, with one eyebrow raised.

“Ya, I know, I know” Bones sighed, “Why didn’t that basterd bring us along, huh? Answer me that”.

“According to my understanding of Starfleet regulations, only certain invitees are permitted to accompany ships on their maiden voyages. Mr. Scott was a special guest of engineering, Mr. Chekov was there at the request of Mr. Sulu who couldn’t attend, and the Captain was the original Captain of the Enterprise, so logically, he was invited as well” Spock said, picking up Bones’ discarded equipment to investigate the computer himself.

“Ya, ya, Still, I thought it was going to be a quick lap of the solar system and home in time for dinner” Bones muttered.

“I’m sure all is well, Doctor. It seems illogical to jump to conclusions at this point” Spock said as he twiddled a dial. “Fascinating” he muttered, as the computer beeped to life.

“You’re a real comfort Spock, you know that” Bones said leaning back in his chair, shaking his head. Spock raised his eyebrow and turned back to the Captain’s computer.

***

“Doctor McCoy, you received the message to report to the Fleet Admiral’s office as well? I was not aware”. Spock said as he intercepted Bones walking towards the office door.

“Well they didn’t tell me you were coming either there Spock” Bones replied slightly snarky; “I suppose Jim will be joining us at some point. Or he’s done something stupid again and we’re going to have to bail him out” Bones chuckled. He reached out and knocked on the door of the Fleet Admiral’s office, standing shoulder to shoulder with Spock whose hands were crossed behind his back. Behind the door there was a soft, “Come in,” so Bones opened the door and led Spock inside.

***

Bones didn’t say a word for a week after that meeting. The only exception was when he yelled at Captain Harriman in the crowded mess hall and Spock had to step in. Spock had gently tugged on Bones’ arm, leading him out of the crowd, quietly whispering “Doctor, Jim wouldn’t have wanted this”. Spock’s slight voice crack on Jim’s name caused Bones to snap his mouth shut and allowed himself to be led away. Spock led him back to his room and sat him down on the bed. Spock settled into a chair in the corner, his fingers pressed together and his head bowed. Bones tumbled over onto his side, tears silently rolling down his checks. Eventually he drifted into an uneasy sleep, still vaguely aware that Spock was still silently seated in the corner.

He woke the next morning with puffy red eyes and a course throat. He rolled over slowly to see Spock uncharacteristically slouched over in his chair, his mouth slack and eyebrows relaxed. Bones crinkled his eyebrows and grunted.

At the noise, Spock woke and cleared his throat. He looked at Bones with his usual neutral expression. “Doctor,” he nodded at Bones as he stood up and headed for the door. Bones just nodded in his direction and closed his eyes again.

Later that day Bones woke with a start. He sat up in his bed, his eyes wide, he thought he heard a voice, but now that he was awake, he remembered he would never hear that voice in his room again. His shoulders slumped and he flopped back down again.

Around dinner his stomach started to rumble, which forced him to get out of bed and wander back to the mess hall. He was walking with his head down when he heard a quiet, “Doctor” from his right. He looked up and saw Spock. He turned up the corner of one side of his lips at him; he hoped it looked more like a smile than a grimace but he wasn’t sure. Spock accompanied him to the hall and sat with him in a compassionate silence while they ate. Bones finished a few minutes before Spock, but he stayed in chair and waited for him to finish. When Spock set his cutlery down, Bones reached out and grabbed both trays. “Thank you, Doctor” Spock said. Bones just nodded with a gentle grunt and he bused their dirty dishes.

Spock and Bones walked together in silence down the surprisingly empty hallways. Instead of splitting their separate ways and heading back to their rooms, they stayed together, drifting in silence throughout the hallways.

They repeated this every night. Always in total silence, with the exception of a few polite grunts from Bones and a casual greeting from Spock. After the first couple nights people had learned to ignore them, passing them in the halls as if the two men were not even there; that was the way Bones liked it.

A few days after the news was broken, there was a funeral service. Spock and Bones went together, sitting in the front row next to Scotty, Chekov, Uhura, and Christine. Thankfully those four did most of the talking and let Bones stay silent. He didn’t want to talk, he honestly wasn’t even sure he could. The service was beautiful. Countless people from all over space had come to pay their respects. It touched Bones heart to see so many people affected by his friend’s life. For some reason though, he felt a sickness in the pit of his stomach. These people were affected sure, but they didn’t lose what Bones did, these people couldn’t possibly know how that pain could feel. He hated himself for thinking that they didn’t belong there as much as he did, but he couldn’t stop himself from feeling that way. The people sitting next to him were the only ones he couldn’t be upset with. Those people knew that pain he felt, those people understood.

Bones was lost in thought until Spock cleared his throat next to him. He shot his eyes up and noticed that most people had left, and the rest were filtering out. He gave a grim smile at Spock and stood up. He followed Spock out of the funeral, his mind stuck on the empty casket behind him.

When Bones finally spoke, there wasn’t a soul around who didn’t hear. It was a few days after the funeral during his after dinner walk with Spock. He had cleared his throat a couple times before turning his shoulders towards the Vulcan and asked, “So, uh, Spock, how are you doing?”

Spock raised his eyebrow in puzzlement, “I am unsure of what you are asking, Doctor. If you’re intention was to ask about my emotional status, then I am confused, as you know that I do not have an emotional status”.

Bones’ blood boiled and he just exploded, “You GREEN BLOODED MACHINE! How can you possibly feel NOTHING over this? Jim is DEAD and you have NO FEELINGS? I knew I was right about you. You are COLD, CALCULATING, AND EMPTY, and you have NO IDEA WHAT REAL PAIN IS! YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND LOVE OR LOSS” Bones’ face was flushed and he was breathing hard, people had stopped and were staring but he barely noticed. “This is it, I’m done” He whispered, clenching his fists. He thought he might punch that vacant look off of Spock’s face, but he decided against it. Instead he turned on his heels and stormed off to his room.

He sat on his bed and put his head in his hands. He was so angry and ashamed, what the hell had he just done? He was still sitting there when there was a gentle tap at his door. He cleared his throat, but his voice cracked anyway when he said “Ya, come on in”. To his shock and embarrassment, it was Spock. He dropped his head and looked at the floor, what was this guy doing here? “Look, Spock” He started before Spock raised a hand and interrupted him.

“Doctor, I did not come here seeking an apology. I came here to explain myself because I believe you need me to, despite how illogical it is for my feelings to affect yours” Spock said, as he sat in the chair near the bed. Bones felt his face flush a little bit, Spock was right, it didn’t make sense for Bones to care that much, but he did.

“Alright,” Bones said, slowly looking up.

“As you know, Vulcans made the choice long ago to supress all emotion in favour of logic. However, as you also know, emotion still runs quite deep within our race. Our language is proof of that. Have you heard the word ‘t’hy’la’?” Spock waited for a response.

“I don’t believe I have” Bones said, intrigued despite feeling slightly condescended to.

“It’s the Vulcan word for ‘brother, friend, and, or, soul mate” and it’s the word I use to describe my relationship with Jim. Regardless of what you think Doctor, I care more for Jim than I thought was possible for a Vulcan to feel for anyone,” the corner of his mouth turned up in a slight smile.  He continued, “I have very human emotions that I have spent my entire life burying deep within myself, and combining that with the supressed currents of Vulcan emotion, there have been moments where I felt they would overwhelm me,” Spock closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Spock,” Bones started, but Spock interrupted. “Please, allow me to finish” Spock said, opening his eyes and looking at Bones with a sad expression. Bones nodded and stayed quiet.

“My feelings for Jim they were, are, they are liberating from that pressure I lived with my whole life,” Spock said, his face turning a faint shade of green as he flushed from embarrassment. “I never told you this because, well Doctor, it is rather personal, and frankly it is not something I wanted to be public information.”

Bones was stunned. Not only did Spock feel, but he felt more intensely than any other person in probably the entire universe. He felt so ashamed of his outburst earlier. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes. “Spock, I am so sorry. I guess I was wrong,” he said quietly.

“Bones, as I said when I came in, I am not here for an apology, just an explanation,” Spock said, his voice calm and steady.

“Right, of course,” Bones cleared his throat, “Thanks, I guess”.

“Of course, Doctor. I shall see you tomorrow for dinner,” Spock said as he rose and left the room.

Bones sat alone in his room in quiet deliberation over what Spock had just told him. It caused him to rethink most of his professional life, and his time with Spock and Jim. He had always known Jim had cared about Spock, even though he never quite understood it, until today. He was surprisingly jealous actually. Not because Jim was Spock’s t’hy’la and Spock was Jim’s, but because maybe he didn’t know Jim quite as well as he thought he did. He spent the night pacing and pondering.

The next day he returned to work; the next night he had dinner with Spock. The night after Scotty joined them for dinner, and the night after that so did Chekov, Sulu, and Uhura.

***

“You green blooded hobgoblin!” Bones screeched, “Nowhere in Starfleet regulation does it say that the Science Officer has authority over the Medical Officer in the main lab.”

“Insulting my biology does not change the fact that you are mistaken in this case,” Spock said, his eyebrow raised.

“Fine, whatever, sure you’re in charge!” McCoy finally said, completely exasperated.

“Fascinating,” Spock replied, rearranging the setup of the lab.

It’s been twenty years since McCoy and Spock had been assigned to Starfleet Headquarters, where they still had dinner together every night, and they still fought all the time.

“Fascinating my ass” Bones muttered under his breath and he collected his stuff and picked up his work.

After dinner that night, Bones and Spock sat together in the library reading. Spock was buried in a book that Bones couldn’t make sense of, all he could understand was it was something about black holes and time travel, Bones didn’t really understand what it was when Spock explained it. Bones was finishing the latest article regarding a new treatment plan for elderly people with space pox. When he finished, he re-shelved the paper and flopped back down into the chair across from Spock. He nudged Spock’s shin with his foot, “Are you done yet? I want to go get pie,” He whined. He laughed at himself, he apparently was getting older but he was acting like he was getting younger.

“Doctor if you’ve finished reading, then I suggest you get another book, or leave me alone,” Spock said sighing slightly.

“But Spock, what should I read?” Bones complained, pushing Spock’s book around with his foot.

“Actually Doctor, I think you should read, _A Tale of Two Cites_. You’ve been holding onto the copy I gave to Jim all of those years ago and you still haven’t read it,” Spock said, lowering his book and looking at Bones.

Bones froze, “How did you know I was the one who took that?”

Spock just tilted his head and raised his eyebrow. Bones huffed and mumbled, “Of course you know.” He sighed and went off to his room and grabbed the book. He brought it back to his chair across from Spock and cracked it open. On the inside cover of the book there was an inscription. Bones peered over the top at Spock who hadn’t moved or put his book down. Bones slouched low in his chair and hid his face behind the book and started reading.

            _Jim,_

_I am well aware of your fondness for artifacts from Earth’s history so I could not resist picking this up for you. The story deals with the idea of the ever present possibility of resurrection. I thought that theme went along with your idea of “No win scenarios” because while death doesn’t scare you, perhaps you should understood that death is not necessarily losing._

_While reading this story, a particular moment resonated with me as it reminded me of you, “I wish you to know that you have been the last dream of my soul” Happy Birthday my T’hy’la_

Bones felt tears in his eyes and he kept the book in front of his face to keep Spock from seeing the tear roll down his face. He quickly wiped them away and closed the book. “You know, actually I think I am going to go get a slice of that pie” He said, rising quickly and slipping away quietly from the library. Spock didn’t seem to notice his strange behaviour.

Bones didn’t grab a piece of pie; instead he went to his room and reread the note in the front. It had been a long time since he thought of Spock’s relationship with Jim; so long that when he was reminded of it, it hit him hard. He tried giving his head a shake and moving on to something else, but his mind was stuck on that book. He gave up pattering with other things and opened the book for a third time. This time he skipped the note and jumped right into the novel. He read well into the night, only stopping after he dropped the book on his face in exhaustion.

He woke early the next morning to finish reading. He stopped partially through the last line; he was sharply thrown back to the memorial service for Spock when Kirk had said those words. He could hear Jim’s voice saying, “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.” When he closed the book he couldn’t help but think about Jim and Spock. Then he let himself just remember Jim, separate from himself, and separate from Spock. After first learning the truth about Spock and Jim’s relationship, it was a long time before he stopped thinking about Kirk as an individual instead of a half of a whole, or his best friend, his partner. He smiled to himself as he thought back on his time with Kirk, and his time aboard the Enterprise with the greatest crew ever assembled in Starfleet. He was snapped back to the present when there was a soft rapping at the door, “Doctor, will you be joining us today?” Spock said from the other side.

“Ya, ya, alright, I’m coming,” He replied placing the book back on the shelf. He opened the door practically bouncing around Spock, “It’s the best of times and the worst of times, huh Spock”.

“Doctor, I believe the quote is actually, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom-” Spock began to correct.

“Oh Spock will you just shut up, let’s go to work!” Bones quipped. And together they walked off to the lab, chattering away about the everyday interests of extraordinary men. 


End file.
